Want to be more romantic?
Being romantic means making your partner feel special and that they are the most important thing in your life.
If you are starting from a low base (i.e. it’s pretty much just dinner out on birthdays, the anniversary and maybe Valentine’s Day), then start off slowly. You don’t want to freak your partner out with a sudden change in behaviour. If you’ve been together for a long time and your relationship has become pretty routine it’s also advisable not to start out with a focus on sex. Your mission is to make your partner feel loved, appreciated and special, not to get them into bed.
Start with random acts of romance
The easiest thing to start with is compliments. They are free and always appreciated. Give non-sexual comments about their looks e.g. “That colour really suits you, it makes your skin glow.” or “That hat looks really cute on you” or “Your legs look great in that outfit”. If your partner is self-conscious about their looks (or even if they aren’t) then give compliments about their behaviors e.g. “You are amazing at keeping our lives on track” or “I really respect the effort you put into keeping fit.” or “You did a great job handling <insert parenting issues here>”. Start with 2-3 a week and aim to build up to at least one a day.
Include expressions of gratitude for the contribution your partner makes to your relationship. This can as simple as looking your partner in the eye and giving a sincere and specific thank you next time they do something for you or the family. e.g. next time they make dinner say “I really appreciate the effort you put into our meals. Thank you.”
Next on the list is romantic deeds. These are things you can do to make your partner’s life easier or to demonstrate your love. They include:
- Doing a chore that is usually your partner’s responsibility. Do it without being asked and do it well. You can leave a note saying something like “You do so much for me, I thought I would help you out a little” or just respond with something similar if asked.
- Serve your partner breakfast in bed, or just bring them tea/coffee.
- Heat a towel and present it when they step out of the shower.
- Call ahead if you are on the way home to see if you can pick anything up.
- Offer an impromptu shoulder massage.
After a few weeks of compliments and romantic deeds, try adding some random romantic gestures. Write a message on the bathroom mirror. Send a text message during the day. Have a bubble bath ready when they get home. You can get more ideas here.
When was the last time you hugged, kissed or touched your partner outside of the bedroom? Remember how much you did it when you first met? Re-introduce romantic touch into your relationship with random acts. Try the 6-second kiss next time you part (instead of the obligatory peck on the cheek). Stroke their arm with back of a finger next time you are sitting together. Offer a head massage or hair brushing when you watch TV together. Kiss the back of their neck and wrap your arms around them when you come home. Get more ideas here.
If gift-giving hasn’t been a big part of your relationship then start small. Buy a bunch of flowers, keep them in a cool place and give one a day. Buy something associated with a hobby your partner enjoys. Buy some gift tags and make everyday things into gifts. It’s the thought, effort and presentation of a gift that makes the difference, not the cost. Always gift wrap (buy gift bags if you can’t wrap to save yourself) and always write a heart felt note.
Not-so-random acts of romance
Suggest a regular date night. It can be once a month, once a fortnight or once a week. It can be any time of the day – as long as it’s scheduled and doesn’t get bumped when life takes over. Maybe it’s simple as an early morning walk. Take responsibility for organising it and when it’s a permanent routine you can suggest taking turns. Get ideas for interesting things to do on your ‘Couple time’ dates. Set the scene by watching the TED talk together on “What makes a good life” (hint – it’s the quality of your relationships) or listen to the Sunscreen song. Talk. Use the 36 questions if you run out of things to talk about.
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